Some people manage to never have their authenticity eroded despite myriad knocks from the world. They are the lucky few.
The rest of us have been intimidated by mean girls, siblings, supervisors, judgmental neighbors, strict parents and teachers, and others. Sometimes that intimidation is intentional, other times it’s subtle, emerging in their word choices and criticisms of others, or even in what we think we know about them. We disguise the people we know ourselves to be in order to be accepted.
In my first job out of law school, the firm’s managing partner did not share my political views, so I kept my politics to myself. Because our political views color the way we operate in the world, over time, I found myself holding back in all ways that I thought might not be aligned with what I thought were my boss’s conservative philosophies. I was miserable at work, afraid to speak up for my needs.
Years later, I discovered that my boss was very supportive of women, and me in particular. His daughters are strong, independent women who he fully supported and respected for their open-mindedness. He held me in a similar regard. In the year after I left his firm, he let me know that he had seen more of the real me than I had thought, and appreciated that side of me. He also offered me his majority interest in the law firm. Though I did not accept this offer, our relationship strengthened when I realized that he respected me for who I am.
If I had found the courage to be my authentic self from the beginning, I might not only have enjoyed my job more, but I would have developed a stronger relationship with my boss. We also might have found more common ground than I had thought. Lesson learned, don’t be afraid to reveal your authentic self. And even when you think you are hiding it, it shines through. You’re only fooling yourself if you think you can mask it.